Leaning Into Love

Today’s gospel is one of those that I’ve been praying with for about a year now. It’s the culmination of the apostle John knowing his belovedness in Jesus. After Jesus announces that one of them is going to betray him, there was some fretting at the table for sure. How many times have I done something to hurt someone unintentionally? I get this kind of fretting because we are human and that means that we do careless things sometimes so I’m sure the apostles were in this kind of headspace. Peter gets John’s attention and coaxes him to lean in and ask Jesus whom he’s talking about. What we know from this scenario is that John was sitting at the right hand of Jesus, the coveted place that several of the apostles had been caught fighting over in a few different gospels. So John leaned in close enough to put his head upon Jesus’ chest, and this is the part of this gospel that has been my daily prayer practice this past year. It’s taken me a while to be comfortable doing it, and I’ve had periods of inconsistency with it for sure, but resting my head upon Jesus’ chest and leaning into love is how I begin my mornings because of this sweet and intimate scene between Jesus and his beloved apostle. It’s easy for me to picture a son leaning into the chest of his father, but picturing an adult man leaning into the chest of his best friend is an image that you don’t see every day and so if you really meditate on it, it will touch your heart in a way that gives this gospel new depth, wider perspective, and greater understanding into the importance of our identity in Jesus. 

Leaning in suggests an intimacy that is different doesn’t it. Leaning in lowers the volume to a whisper, leaning in invites the other to also lean in, and leaning in moves your heart closer to theirs. This is the kind of relationship Jesus and John had and the others knew it because of his place at the table, but also because of the way they were with one another. Spend some time imagining how John and Jesus interacted that would show John’s belovedness. I picture knowing glances across the room, maybe some one on one time during Jesus’ early morning prayer, I hear words of affirmation from Jesus to John, I feel tenderness in each embrace, and I also get the sense that John received these gifts from Jesus from a place of deep faith. Jesus offers these expressions of intimacy and love to all, but if we don’t receive them and believe they are intended specifically for us, we will never come to understand how to lean in close enough to hear his heart. Whatever it was, John knew his belovedness and that changed everything for him. He was close enough to ask the hard questions, he was close enough to rest upon his heart, and he was close enough to stay in it until the end. This revelation just came to me this past Sunday. John was the only one that did not run, the one that stayed even when it was ugly and scary, the one that consoled the heart of Jesus by his presence, and the one that Jesus trusted enough to care for his own mom. Where did John get this supernatural courage? From knowing without a doubt that he was the beloved of The Beloved. This knowledge gave him the grace he needed to do hard things. This confidence gave him strength to hold up a mom as she watched her son die. This blessed assurance gave him the resolve to stay present to his best friend in his darkest hour. If we think about our own relationships with our best friends, we can get a glimpse into this kind of love. Jesus wants us to lean into love so that when love whispers back at us, we will know without a doubt that we are his and he is ours, and from that place, we will never falter even when life gets ugly. 

People who have been reading my blog for years now have told me that my writing has changed in this past year and I have been pondering the why behind that. Today, as I meditate on John leaning into love, I realize that my writing has changed since I also started resting my head upon his chest. Hearing the heartbeat of my beloved each morning has changed the way I write, the way I see the world, the way I say things, the way I am, the way I believe, and the way I love others. It is the one thing that has made all the difference and allowed me to recognize his whisper and he says, “You are my beloved one.” I pray that each of you come to know the sound of his heartbeat and that you know without a doubt your own belovedness in Christ. It is well with my soul. 

Reading 1 IS 49:1-6

Hear me, O islands,
listen, O distant peoples.
The LORD called me from birth,
from my mother's womb he gave me my name.
He made of me a sharp-edged sword
and concealed me in the shadow of his arm.
He made me a polished arrow,
in his quiver he hid me.
You are my servant, he said to me,
Israel, through whom I show my glory.

Though I thought I had toiled in vain,
and for nothing, uselessly, spent my strength,
Yet my reward is with the LORD,
my recompense is with my God.
For now the LORD has spoken
who formed me as his servant from the womb,
That Jacob may be brought back to him
and Israel gathered to him;
And I am made glorious in the sight of the LORD,
and my God is now my strength!
It is too little, he says, for you to be my servant,
to raise up the tribes of Jacob,
and restore the survivors of Israel;
I will make you a light to the nations,
that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth.

Responsorial Psalm PS 71:1-2, 3-4A, 5AB-6AB, 15 AND 17

R. (see 15ab)  I will sing of your salvation.
In you, O LORD, I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
In your justice rescue me, and deliver me;
incline your ear to me, and save me.
R. I will sing of your salvation.
Be my rock of refuge,
a stronghold to give me safety,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
O my God, rescue me from the hand of the wicked.
R. I will sing of your salvation.
For you are my hope, O LORD;
my trust, O God, from my youth.
On you I depend from birth;
from my mother's womb you are my strength.
R. I will sing of your salvation.
My mouth shall declare your justice,
day by day your salvation.
O God, you have taught me from my youth,
and till the present I proclaim your wondrous deeds.
R. I will sing of your salvation.

Verse Before The Gospel

Hail to you, our King, obedient to the Father;
you were led to your crucifixion like a gentle lamb to the slaughter.

Gospel JN 13:21-33, 36-38

Reclining at table with his disciples, Jesus was deeply troubled and testified,
"Amen, amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me."
The disciples looked at one another, at a loss as to whom he meant.
One of his disciples, the one whom Jesus loved,
was reclining at Jesus' side.
So Simon Peter nodded to him to find out whom he meant.
He leaned back against Jesus' chest and said to him,
"Master, who is it?"
Jesus answered,
"It is the one to whom I hand the morsel after I have dipped it."
So he dipped the morsel and took it and handed it to Judas,
son of Simon the Iscariot.
After Judas took the morsel, Satan entered him.
So Jesus said to him, "What you are going to do, do quickly."
Now none of those reclining at table realized why he said this to him.
Some thought that since Judas kept the money bag, Jesus had told him,
"Buy what we need for the feast,"
or to give something to the poor.
So Judas took the morsel and left at once. And it was night.

When he had left, Jesus said,
"Now is the Son of Man glorified, and God is glorified in him.
If God is glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself,
and he will glorify him at once.
My children, I will be with you only a little while longer.
You will look for me, and as I told the Jews,
'Where I go you cannot come,' so now I say it to you."

Simon Peter said to him, "Master, where are you going?"
Jesus answered him,
"Where I am going, you cannot follow me now,
though you will follow later."
Peter said to him,
"Master, why can I not follow you now? 
I will lay down my life for you."
Jesus answered, "Will you lay down your life for me?
Amen, amen, I say to you, the cock will not crow
before you deny me three times."