Exhausted In Love

Mondays after a retreat weekend might be some of the hardest days and at the same time, some of the richest days. The “retreat high” is a real condition that affects the way one sees things and it can either make your glasses rosier in color or it can invoke a certain disappointment in the world that remained down in the valley. I, myself, am having my very own Monday after retreat kind of day and my eyes are pink with optimism, my heart is still “pentecosting” with joy, my hair remains tousled by the rushing wind of the Spirit, and I feel the glow of Transfiguration on my face. I spent the weekend with a lovely group of faith-filled women and men and we didn’t feed 5,000+, but we did pour into 35 beautiful daughters of God on a Cursillo retreat weekend. The theme was “I am yours, and you are mine” and we fed them with the gift of God’s belovedness. While there was no miraculous multiplication of loaves and fish, there was a miraculous multiplication of love that satisfied our souls with grace. Needless to say, I’m exhausted. Exhausted in love. 

I imagine Jesus must have also been exhausted after having just performed a miracle for over 5,000 people, yet that retreat high was so profound that as he was sneaking to get away and pray, he walked on water. Raise your hand if you have ever had an encounter with God that made you feel like you could walk on water. It occurred to me that the miraculous also fills Jesus up so much so much so that he can float across the water. God loves to be exhausted by generosity, exhausted in love, exhausted in pouring out grace, exhausted in pursuing us, exhausted in finding us, exhausted in wooing us, and exhausted in feeding us. When the crowds went and found Jesus across the lake, they were curious and intrigued as to how he got there. He told them that essentially what they were impressed with was the natural, such as free food. I do love me some free food! He needed to teach them to be impressed with the supernatural, the love behind the food, the generosity behind the miracle, the hospitality behind the serving, the mercy behind the wanting to satisfy them, the peace behind the offering, the fortification behind the togetherness, and the list goes on and on. Jesus shows up in the natural to be the filter that we look through into the supernatural. The closer we come to him, the better we can see through him. 

Jesus wants us to see through the filter of his heart. That’s why God sent him, to show us his heart and to bestow us his heart. When we look through these filtered lenses of grace, love, mercy, kindness, joy, laughter, abundance, peace, and wonder, we get a glimpse into heaven and in heaven everyone walks on water because of their retreat high. In the meantime, we walk grounded, side-by-side, following the one who pursues us, receiving the free food he offers us, and hopefully we are exhausted in love. It is well with my soul. 

Reading 1 ACTS 6:8-15

Stephen, filled with grace and power,
was working great wonders and signs among the people.
Certain members of the so-called Synagogue of Freedmen,
Cyreneans, and Alexandrians,
and people from Cilicia and Asia,
came forward and debated with Stephen,
but they could not withstand the wisdom and the Spirit with which he spoke.
Then they instigated some men to say,
"We have heard him speaking blasphemous words
against Moses and God."
They stirred up the people, the elders, and the scribes,
accosted him, seized him,
and brought him before the Sanhedrin.
They presented false witnesses who testified,
"This man never stops saying things against this holy place and the law.
For we have heard him claim
that this Jesus the Nazorean will destroy this place
and change the customs that Moses handed down to us."
All those who sat in the Sanhedrin looked intently at him
and saw that his face was like the face of an angel.

Responsorial Psalm PS 119:23-24, 26-27, 29-30

R.(1ab) Blessed are they who follow the law of the Lord!
or:
R. Alleluia.
Though princes meet and talk against me,
your servant meditates on your statutes.
Yes, your decrees are my delight;
they are my counselors.
R. Blessed are they who follow the law of the Lord!
or:
R. Alleluia.
I declared my ways, and you answered me;
teach me your statutes.
Make me understand the way of your precepts,
and I will meditate on your wondrous deeds.
R. Blessed are they who follow the law of the Lord!
or:
R. Alleluia.
Remove from me the way of falsehood,
and favor me with your law.
The way of truth I have chosen;
I have set your ordinances before me.
R. Blessed are they who follow the law of the Lord!
or:
R. Alleluia.

Alleluia MT 4:4B

R. Alleluia, alleluia.
One does not live on bread alone
but on every word that comes forth from the mouth of God.
R. Alleluia, alleluia.

Gospel JN 6:22-29

[After Jesus had fed the five thousand men, his disciples saw him walking on the sea.]
The next day, the crowd that remained across the sea
saw that there had been only one boat there,
and that Jesus had not gone along with his disciples in the boat,
but only his disciples had left.
Other boats came from Tiberias
near the place where they had eaten the bread
when the Lord gave thanks.
When the crowd saw that neither Jesus nor his disciples were there,
they themselves got into boats
and came to Capernaum looking for Jesus.
And when they found him across the sea they said to him,
"Rabbi, when did you get here?"
Jesus answered them and said,
"Amen, amen, I say to you, you are looking for me
not because you saw signs
but because you ate the loaves and were filled.
Do not work for food that perishes
but for the food that endures for eternal life,
which the Son of Man will give you.
For on him the Father, God, has set his seal."
So they said to him,
"What can we do to accomplish the works of God?"
Jesus answered and said to them,
"This is the work of God, that you believe in the one he sent."