What a blessing it is that Jesus doesn’t speak about
forgiveness the way we do. He doesn’t say, “I forgive you, but I’ll never
forget what you did.” He says, “Father forgive them for they know NOT what they
do,” and then he forgets. He doesn’t say, “I forgive you in my heart, but I
never want to speak to you again.” He says, “I forgive you over and over again,
face to face, and I still want to be your beloved. Let’s spend even more time
together.” Forgiveness and mercy were at the core of Jesus’ ministry and these
same virtues are what led to his execution. His execution then became the
actual manifestation of these virtues. He suffered and died in the name of
mercy and forgiveness and yet we still say things like, “I’m not forgiving you
for you, but I’m forgiving you to set myself free.” Jesus didn’t hang on the
cross to set himself free, he did it to set the sinner free – that is you and
me – because he loves us. He also didn’t lay down his life for us to forgive,
but remember, to forgive, but shun, or to forgive for our own freedom. He wants
us to lay down our lives for one another, forgiving and forgetting over and
over again (Matthew 18:21-22), because we love. Then and only then will we be
free ourselves. Forgiveness is and should be 100% for the other because that is
what Jesus did and continues to do for us. When we put another first, even and
especially a sinner or someone that has hurt us, then we will be free. When we
forgive to make ourselves feel better we only lengthen the chains that oppress
us, we do not break them. We might feel freer, but the chains remain. This is not
what our Father wants for us.
Unforgiveness feels like spiritual waterboarding; a
torturing of the soul until it submits to the will of the torturer. We make
each other beg for mercy and then we say things like, “I know I need to forgive
you, but not yet. I’m not ready.” And the water slowly drips making it feel
like we will never breathe again. At the well, Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them
will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a
spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:13-14)
The kind of radical mercy,
forgiveness, and selfless love that Jesus lived out in the gospels (with the
lepers, the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the adulterous woman, the woman at
the well, his executioners, etc. etc.) is quite impossible for us to live apart
from God and the Holy Spirit. Jesus was sent by the Father to show us how to do
it and they gave us the Holy Spirit to be our constant companion to help us do
it. The Sunday gospels for the past several weeks have drummed the message of
mercy and forgiveness into our souls with a fervor that cannot be ignored. If
we want God to forget our sins, then we must absolutely forget the sins of our
offenders (“Forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against
us”). I know that I’ve heard people like Oprah and other self help gurus say
that we should absolutely remember all the wrongs done to us so that we do not
ever let them happen again, however, I’d like to suggest that forgetfulness of
sin, ugliness, and the negative past is precisely the level of virtue that we
should all pray to have and to have abundantly. I know this is a frightening
prospect because we think that if we don’t hold onto the memory of the bad in
our lives, we will be burned by it over and over again, but I believe with all
my heart that the grace that comes from truly forgiving AND forgetting will give
us all that we need to avoid repetition in the future. This is the kind of radical
trust that faith, hope, and love fosters in our souls if we stay close to
Christ, read and study his word, and practice mercy. We will be given all that
we need. I know that we all feel somewhat entitled to and like it is our
responsibility to remember things like betrayal, adultery, abuse, or any of the
top 10 most unacceptable sins. Of course no one would blame us for remembering
these things right. I get it and I have felt totally justified in holding onto
these things done to me in my own life, but recently my heart has really
softened and completely changed in this regard as I have remorsefully and
fervently sought forgiveness only to be denied it over and over again. In this
deficit and desperation, God has taught me the importance of forgiving and forgetting.
We have all experienced being in a feud with someone and after several months
forgotten what the feud was even about, so it is possible to forget if we pray
and practice, practice and pray. Jesus wants to unite all of us through mercy
and forgiveness, and Satan wants to divide us by slightly altering true virtues
with conditions like “never forget” and “forgive everything except for…..”
I just got out of mass and
this very theme jumped out at me loudly and clearly when the priest said, “Lord Jesus Christ, who said to your Apostles: Peace I leave you,
my peace I give you. Look not on our sins but on the faith of your Church, and
graciously grant her peace and unity in accordance with your will, who live and
reign forever and ever. Amen.” The Church associates the peace of Christ with the
notion of not looking at our sins, but on considering our faith. So as we pray
for Jesus to look not on our sins, may we also emulate this act of radical
mercy toward one another and then, my friends, the peace of Christ will be with
us. Come together today. Do not delay. Forgive and forget and receive unlimited
grace to have what you need when you need it. St. Francis of Assisi, pray for
us. Peace and Goodness. Pace e Bene!!!
